I should be in a vacation. Pero I can’t think of anyone to go with. Everyone is going somewhere. And it looks like I’m staying in my room for the next 5 days. Whew! The big part of me thinks I’m being pathetic. But, when I think about it, there’s nothing worth doing anyway. I can go to gallera and have as many sexual encounters as I can, or go to boracay and do the same thing. The game just doesn’t end. Chasing everyone, and everyone else chasing no one. Makes me sad!
I’m staying here in my room. I’ll drown myself and listen to music. I’ll watch as many animes in Youtube as I can. I’ll surf online till my eyes hurt and my head feels numb.
I’ve thought of inviting people (strangers) to meet up, and end up having sex with them. A little interaction, and it makes me feel human for a short while. It just doesn’t stop, it looks like there’s no end to the pathetic circle of meeting-ups, getting to know someone, the roller coaster of gay flirting. Hoping that there is still something out there, something breathing, someone who’s alive, can someone point me to him who isn’t dead?
“Do you want to meet up?”In whatever form, this question makes me sad because it has lost its meaning. Yes, Ill meet them up, no I don’t want to see them again. Don’t you feel like the world is drying up? Maybe I am its leech, or are we all leeches, drying each other.
I miss my friends. I’ll see them soon. And to her who is gone, you were never forgotten. I never cried losing you Cha, pero right now I will. I’m sorry i wasn’t there to mourn for you. I remember you friend. I am so sorry. I am not afraid now, I feel dead but I keep on reminding myself to fight for myself, writing helps me remember. I miss you, you’ve been there for me, for all of us. Thank you.